


Magic: the Gathering

by coffeesuperhero



Series: Asgard House [1]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, College, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-02
Updated: 2012-10-02
Packaged: 2017-11-15 12:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/527347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeesuperhero/pseuds/coffeesuperhero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki and his roommates play cards while frat pres Thor throws a party and works on his foreign language skills.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magic: the Gathering

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimers** : All characters belong to Marvel and various subsidiaries. This isn't for profit, just for fun.
> 
>  **A/N** : So very AU. Also, please note that Wade Wilson's opinions are not always the opinions of the author. There are many fine barista AU's.

"Hermanoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Thor's voice is so loud that Loki has to hold the phone nearly a foot away from his ear.

"Hello, Thor," he sighs.

"Hermano! That's Spanish for 'brother'!"

Thor sounds incredibly pleased with himself, just like he has the last twelve times he's used that line, which isn't getting any funnier with use, nor is it losing any volume.

"Yes, I know," Loki says. "I take it you passed your Spanish exam. What do you want? We're in the middle of something."

He frowns apologetically at the others at the table.

"Hermano! Lo siento! Are you studying?"

"Studying," Loki says, surveying the cards in his hand. "Yes. I _was_ writing a paper on post-colonial literature, but I suppose I could just discuss it with you instead."

"Homework is boring! We're having a party, you should come!"

Loki frowns and lays his cards down. "At the frat house?"

"Of course!"

"Thor, you realize I'm not in your fraternity," he says.

"Yes, but you _should_ be," Thor insists. "We could be brothers!"

Loki pinches the bridge of his nose. "Thor, we _are_ brothers."

"Yes, but--" there's a scuffle, and then Thor starts speaking loudly to someone else. "Fandral! Volstagg! Hogun! Friends!"

"Thor," Loki says. He contemplates hanging up, but he knows from previous experience that Thor _will_ call back, and this conversation will essentially repeat itself, so waiting and attempting to regain his brother's attention is really the best option. "Thor. Thor. Thor, Thor, Thor--"

"Bro, I have to let you go," Thor says finally. "But come to the party! You and your friends are always welcome!"  
He hangs up before Loki has a chance to say no, and Loki takes a long drink of his scotch before he picks up his cards again.

"So. Does anyone want to go to a frat party?" Loki asks, knowing exactly what the answer will be.

"Uh, I'll pass, thanks," Bruce says. "Reed said he was going, and I try to spend as much time away from him as possible. He makes me angry."

"Did someone say party?" Wade says, appearing in the open doorway.

Sitwell blinks up at him, confused. "Are you still _here_?"

"Not for long, not if there's a party. Dude, Asgard House throws kickass parties. Free booze, hot people with low standards for fuckbuddies, and all the Fandral I can mock." He clears his throat and looks at someone the others can't see. "Specifically, I'm looking at you. Yeah. The person behind the computer. I'm surprised anybody is reading this bullshit, but at least I'm not the person responsible for writing it. And hey, I'm going to a party where there's lots of free liquor _and_ free condoms. How many frats encourage safe sex? Seriously. We should all take a lesson from the boys at Asgard House, folks."

"Wilson," Loki grumbles, and Wade glances over at him. "Shut up and get lost."

"Already gone, dude," Wade says, and leaves.

"Sometimes I really worry about that guy," Bruce mumbles. "Who the hell was he talking to just now?"

"We're never really certain, but it's not an infrequent occurrence," Loki says. "Where were we?"

"All right," Sitwell says, rubbing his hands together. "You better watch out, gentlemen, because I think it's time to tap the _blue_ mana pool."

+

A few hours and a victory for Loki later, Bruce leaves to go back to his apartment for a few hours of peace and quiet before Reed turns up slightly plastered to demand that they do some science that he can try to screw Bruce out of the credit for, and Sitwell leaves Loki to his own devices, which, if he's any judge of Loki's post-victory behavior, will probably be another glass of celebratory scotch and a lot of obnoxious tweets about how great he is.

Sometimes Sitwell misses the one day that they let Wade in on a game of Magic, because Wade's strategy had absolutely irritated the actual fuck out of Loki, which had been hilarious to Sitwell.  
But there are reasons they don't let Wade play Magic anymore. The official reason is that Wade talks too fucking much, and sometimes he talks unnervingly to people only he seems to be able to see, but the real reason is that Wade was astonishingly good at the game, even with his cheapass starter deck that he bought at Target for six bucks, and so Loki summarily banned him from further games after twenty-four hours of trying to repair his wounded pride with expensive scotch and cheap pizza rolls.

"Banhammered after one game, huh?" Wade had said, and then he had turned to his invisible crowd of people and added, "This is what happens when you play card games with sulky demigods. I know, I know, it's an alternate universe and they're all in college and nobody's destroying planets or any shit like that. It's a weak-ass plot if you ask me, but at least it isn't another fucking barista AU. I don't even know how I got here. The author must have a major ladyboner for fourth wall-breakers who like to run their mouths. Not that I blame her. I'd do me. Hell, I probably have."

Shit like that happens on the daily with Wade, really, but Sitwell and Loki have learned to live with it.

Anyway, nothing Wade does will ever be as bad as the time that he talked them into LARPing. _That_ unfortunate incident had ended with Loki and Sitwell cowering on the roof of the Admin building, hiding from Wade and his collection of _very real, very not-foam_ swords. And then, of course, after chasing them onto the roof, Wade had called campus police to report that his roommates were, quote, "tripping balls," and trying to fly off the Admin building.

They're basically always in competition for Most Horrible Human Being, a title that Sitwell and Loki are usually forced to cede to Wade, who seems to have no sense of self-preservation and, they suspect, picks up extra money for his crazy-- and probably illegal-- weapons collection by doing things that probably constitute indictable offenses under the penal codes of most of the world's countries.

He's kind of a weird guy, and he's definitely a dick, but as Sitwell likes to point out, the two guys who run the campus Magic: the Gathering Club can't really comment too much on the relative weirdness of other people, and Loki has dickitude down to a fine art, so that's no reason to kick the guy out. Anyway, this is just what happens when you find your third roommate on craigslist and don't ask for references. At least Wade always pays the rent on time.

Sitwell's never been too sure why exactly Loki even _needs_ roommates, since the guy's family has what Sitwell's mom would probably call "Fuck you-money," but his roommate freshman year had grown kombucha and sprouted mung beans in their room, so when Loki had pulled him aside after their lit class final second semester and mentioned an apartment, he felt like there could _definitely_ be worse living situations out there than sharing a place with a rich kid whose worst habits were that he was an inveterate liar, a sore loser, and kind of a hipster douchebag who seems completely unaware that Sitwell does in fact have a first name.

Loki's mom bought them some _kickass_ furniture, too, and so Sitwell dutifully sends Mrs. A some baked goods and a card on every major holiday, signed _Jasper_ in his very best penmanship, which Mrs. A is super big on. He's got no problem being kind of a suck-up, and it's paying off pretty well so far. That prepaid AmEx he got for his last birthday had more money on it than he's ever seen in one place in his life.

And at least somebody in that family knows his first name.


End file.
